We have now been in Idalia Colorado for 10 months.  Our move here was one of a subtle nudge by God.  It was a journey by faith, sightless faith at that. 

In 2013, our previous church, Here's Hope underwent an upheaval in membership that hurt both emotionally as well as financially.  I had to get a second job in order to continue in the pastorate.  I felt strongly that we were not to "jump ship" but to be 'good shepherds" and to stay with the flock and nurse the church back to health.  We doubled down on prayer, and the congregation responded...with 6-10 of us each Tuesday praying for renewal and for the leading of the Holy Spirit.  A recent member approached me about taking worship to a new level and ended up bringing an entire band on board.  We enlisted a worship leader who blossomed and became strongly anointed for the task at hand.  The church regained its financial standing and in 2016 I was able to quit my second job and return to full time pastoring. 

Then I heard a whisper.  A subtle nudge to see if God was opening a place of service closer to our children.  As we prayed about it, Jennifer and I covenanted to only look at evangelical churches in the mountain states within a few hour drive from one or the other of our children.  We saw a number of them available, applied to a few, and heard back from some of them.  But we weren't looking to change our place of serving just for the sake of change.  We desired to find out what God was doing.

One church in Eastern Colorado struck a nerve, and I had a couple of email conversations with their head of their search committee.  It sounded good, but very rural.  I wasn't too sure about it.  So on a visit to Denver, our daughter told us she couldn't meet with us until the next day, so we had a day to spare.  On a mission of curiousity, we drove 3 hours east of Denver into the plains farming region to visit the little town of Idalia.  There seemed to be nothing there but a tiny town, a restaurant and a gas station, and a very well maintained church and a parsonage.  We ate at the restaurant and drove back to Denver and then returned home.  We were unconvinced, but convicted.  We felt drawn, but we didn't know why.  The church was Congregational, which in many ways paralleled our Southern Baptist roots with minor exceptions.  So we continued to pray about it and have discussions and video interviews with the search committee who themselves were growing on our hearts. 

In January 2018, we finally flew out in view of a call.  We had interviews, lunch, tours, heard the history and stories, and on Sunday attended a worship service that was also their annual meeting.  The church voted on us and agreed to call us.  They were offering to provide for our needs very generously, so much so, that Jennifer wouldn't need to work for quite awhile...and maybe even get a chance to open her own Counseling service.

We accepted by faith the calling.  We still hadn't had what I like to call a "visual confirmation."  I call it that because when God confirms something, He often waits for us to respond in faith and then He gives us a "told you so."  We put our house on the market, sadly announced our departure to Here's Hope, (for which God had providently provided a very qualified interim pastor), and prepared for the move. 

On moving day, the furniture is all in the moving van.  We had left the old vacuum cleaner our to do our final cleaning.   Jennifer is vacuuming the front bedroom and something metallic clogs the vacuum, so she stops it and inspects the clattering noise.  It is a tiny golden/brass bar barely 3/4" long that has the words "ST JOHN" stamped on it.   We can scarcely believe it.  Here is our visual confirmation we had been seeking. 

Now we have been at Saint John Church for 10 months and understand why God sent us here.  God has used me repeated in the past to ground people in the basics of the faith so that people can grow into fully devoted followers of Christ.  And this church is a wonderful, fertile field for exactly that!  In addition, I am responsible for "confirmation group" which are eighth graders who are seeking to own their faith, as well as the Youth Group, who are hungry to know Jesus more.  We thank God for His sending us into this field of dreams!

I was re-reading my blog, which is kind of a time capsule reminding me of the work of God and my understanding of it at the time in my life.  I saw my post, "Pregnant Dreams" from 2014, where we envisioned rebuilding the stage in our sanctuary at Here's Hope in anticipation of God doing something special, perhaps rebuilding a house of worship in our midst. 

Fast forward:  2015 - Lee Road Baptist Church Mission team came up for the second year in a row, and assisted us with our Faith Camp along with a Mobile Home outreach.  Some helped us by repainting the sanctuary and doing some much needed repairs.  As a consequence, our worship team began to change as well, as we prayed and sought God's leading for our future.  We began to train a worship leader and a bass guitarist came forward with an idea for a worship band.  We spent the early part of 2016 implementing some of this, as our band and worship team began to take shape.

2016 - Lee Road returned, and demolished and completely reconstructed our sound booth and helped prep our sanctuary for new carpet which was installed a week later.  Our sanctuary looks brand new.  Our worship feels new too.  Our worship band "Reaching Higher" began their first live session the week that Lee Road mission team arrived.  We have seen numerous new people come in with fresh vigor and excitement.  Now we wait for the fruit of salvations, conversions, changed lives and families with children and youth to press in. 

We feel as if we are giving birth RIGHT NOW.  God is doing His work in our midst.  Go God!

A Fresh Insight into Evangelism

Had an interesting conversation yesterday at Faith Camp with an adult helper from one of our partner churches.  She was sharing her political views pretty forcefully, and I struggled to try to keep finding common ground so as not to alienate her.  After about a half an hour of conversation, she made a broad statement that I felt that I had to challenge.  She was talking about Muslims and said, "we all worship the same God."  I was tempted to shoot her down and correct her, but felt led instead to ask her a question instead.  I asked her "why do you feel they are the same?" Her response?  "Well they all prayer toward heaven."  The question and her subsequent answer opened a dialogue that led her to admit she really didn't know the bible very well, or even really what she believed as a Christian.  We talked about the fact that Mohammad and Allah didn't give their only son to bear the sins of the world; that Buddha and Hare Krishna and the Hindu deities didn't either.  I encouraged her to read the book of Romans as it explains some of the misconceptions she had. 

I came away from this conversation with a fresh insight into evangelism for my own life:  Build rapport and look for common ground with every person - don't directly challenge their mistaken beliefs, but instead, ask them to explain them along with the reasons why they hold those beliefs.  I have to admit, my experience over the past 2 years in sales has helped me to hold dialogues with people over what they believe and hold value for. 

Pregnant Dreams

Several days ago i had a dream that my youngest daughter was pregnant (before she was married) and that she wasn't "showing" yet.  It was an odd dream, because she was engaged to be married in just a few weeks.  As I shared this with Jennifer, she was able to grasp the imagry of pregnancy with expentency and hope...hope for change, hope for a fruitful future and a turnaround in our fortunes in ministry.  

It seems like our ministry since our mission trip in 2012 suffered a serious setback.  I equate it to the damage done to my raspberry plants this winter.  They were frozen so far back that we lost several years of growth and productivity and consequently, fruit. That is what happened as a result of the disruptive exodus of a handful of key members of our church who took offense at something that didn't exist.  The devil is like a cold front that robs, steals, kills and destroys.  And we have suffered some diffiiculties as a result.  The hardest part has been getting my eyes off of the problem and back onto The Lord.  After nearly 2 years, we are seeing momentum shifting and our ministry growing again.  

Back to the dream:  Today, I was reading in a book about hope written by Dutch Sheets.  In it he was talkiing about the blessing that the French give to a pregnant woman:  "I congratulate you on your hope."  Even though we are in the "first trimester" of our pregnancy of hope, we do not yet see the results or the fruit but we have the hope that is ours in Christ.  We do know that God's word is planted deep in us and that we will see delivery of change.  

Today, I felt like God gave me insight into new plans for our church this fall.  All beginning with the construction of our new stage (place of praise) that begins on the 13th of July.  We will be revamping our praise and worship, focusing and implementing younger music to fulfill our mission statement of "reaching the next generation."  No more just talking about it.  It is time for action.  The next things include:  Small discipleship groups to start this fall in homes.  Membership changing to Partnership.  We need our next wave of new people to be partners and not just members/attenders.  Partners own ministry, they own the program, they belong.  God has brought our church numerous Pre-believers recently, and we must engage them one family at a time, integrating them and leading them to an encounter with Christ.  And finally, raising up new leaders.  Beginning July 12th, I am meeting with the men who are under 40 years of age once a month to call them into Godliy living and to raise them up as future Oaks of Righteousness.  

The nature of God

This past week I preached on the concept of hunger and used the passage from Exodus where God fed the Israelites in the desert with manna.  After a time period of eating manna burgers, manna bars, manna soufflés, and manna bananas, they got tired of the same old manna, and began to complain about not having leeks and onions and garlic and melon and cukecumbers to eat like they had back during their good old days in Egypt.  So God sent them quail and promised it would come out of their nostrils, which it eventually did when they vomited it as a result of "a plague God sent upon them" for their demanding meat (and rejecting His provision).  

There are a ton of applications in the passage, and we explored many of them, but there was that one statement that kind of hung in the air:  "God sent a plague."  Throughout the Old Testament, the bible often refers to illnesses and disease and death having their origin in God...while in the New Testament, Jesus clearly ascribes them to the work of the devil.  Which are we to believe?  God didn't change.  But perhaps the perspective of people did.  In the OT, it was common to attribute to God as the prime "cause" behind everything that occurred.   Little mention was given to intermediary causes, such as "consequential action" (reaping what you sow).  When you did wrong, and disaster struck, it was God who was punishing you.  This eventually led to a questioning by these very same bible writers (David, Solomon and others) about why the wicked often prosper and don't seem to get punished.  

When Jesus arrives upon the scene, we get a picture of the exact nature of God.  In fact, in Jesus we see the exact representation of the Father.  (If you have seen me, you have seen the Father).  Jesus is perfect theology.  When Jesus said "I only do what I see the Father doing" He was affirming that He did and said nothing that was not consistent with His Father's nature and will.  So, when He healed people from sickness, being lame, blind, etc. and said, "this person was held captive for #years by the devil" He was emphatically saying that "My Father isn't responsible for this sickness" all while saying, "My Father will get glory from this." 

As a result of having the New Testament, Jesus, and the Old Testament, we can fully see the nature of our God, a loving Father, whose patience is nearly unlimited, whose grace is amazing, whose love is unfathomable, and yet, who is perfectly holy, just and sovereign.  Some may think it is an affront to the sovereignty of God to say that God doesn't send disease (because God has the final word in whatever happens to us.  By and large, God has "delegated" His sovereignty to other instruments, such as angelic beings (Satan), men and even the constructs of nature, leaving a huge swath of free will and choice in the wake of our lives that we live here.  

Imagine that the church has the power to heal in Jesus name, to move mountains in Jesus name, to feed the sick, raise the dead, cast out demons...and does not use that power and authority it has been delegated.  We shouldn't have to imagine.  It is there in red letters in the words of Jesus.  

Is Healing God's Will?

I recently attended a service in which the speaker called himself a "healing evangelist" who uses signs and wonders to attract people to the Gospel.  While I agree with most of his statements, several left quite an impression upon me.  

1. If it is God's will that people be sick, then why didn't Jesus make people sick?  (Jesus is the perfect representation of the Father, fully revealing the Father in His will, character and plan).  This act of taking a piece of logic to its logical conclusion made me think.  Jesus only healed people.  Most of the quotations people excerpt from the bible defending their belief that God "allows" sickness are from the Old Testament.  I do recall from my theology classes and Old Testament survey classes, that in the Old Testament, that everything that occurs originates with God.  Therefore that makes God responsible for sickness, etc.  By this stream of logic, God would be ultimately responsible for evil in the world, since He created Satan and "knew" that Satan would rebel and be cast down to the earth, tempt and cause the first couple to sin, and ultimately cost God's only Son to die upon the cross.  In a strange sense, that may be true, but only from the position of causation.  

Let's look at a few true statements:  God is perfect love.  He is perfect justice.  He is full of Grace and He is full of Truth.  There is no darkness or shadow of evil in Him at all.  Evil exists because of free will, and free will that rejects the Goodness of God embraces that evil...evil is like darkness, it is the absence of goodness; the same that darkness is the absence of light.  Evil is permitted for a time in our world because every human being is being given a choice, by the mercy of God to choose God's love over evil.  

2. So is health God's will?  If sickness is NOT from God, and God is not the author of sickness or evil, then it only goes to show that health and wholeness is God's will.  Sin exists in our world and it corrupts not only our physical bodies, but influences our mind, will and emotions to such a degree that our thinking and our faith is contaminated by it.  Jesus healed EVERYONE who came to Him.  He rejected no one.  Yet in a very strange way, sometimes Jesus only went to certain people to heal them.  At the pool of Siloam He passed by dozens of other sick people to seek out a long-time paralytic.  He complimented the faith of people who approached him, and some, like the woman with the flow of blood, tapped into His power to heal without even His expressed consent!  

3. If healing is God's will, why isn't everyone healed that we pray for?  Bill Johnson says that we must be careful not to form our theology from our experience but from the Word of God.  I agree.  We have to admit we don't have all the answers, that some answers will come in heaven.  

4.  I have to believe that there are conditions for healing (grace, unworthiness, faith, humility, brokenness, communion, compassion) that we can't put into an equation or formula.  Jesus was in perfect harmony with the Father, all of the time.  Yet, he willingly gave up, set aside His divine rights to divinity, and operated like a man, a fully righteous man, unmarred by sin, unlimited by sin or its effects, and operated in the full and unlimited power of the Holy Spirit.  Unlike us.  Yet, He bought for us the inheritance to operate in the same realms, the same righteousness, the same Holy Spirit.  

5.  So, God's will can be confidently prayed for, knowing it IS GOD'S will to heal.  Jesus himself said, "these signs shall follow those who believe...in my name the sick will be healed..."  He sent out disciples with instructions to "heal the sick, raise the dead..."  He hasn't changed.  "Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever."  He operated by compassion on the sick, healing all who came with Him.  He hasn't changed.  He lives in us and His compassion still is exuding from His presence.  His ministry remains our ministry.  He hasn't changed.  

Hearing God

As I prepare to do my second sermon on "hearing God" i thought it would be prudent to read some things that other pastors and teachers have said on the subject.  What surprised me was that there are those who say that they have never heard God speak to them (John MacArthur is a notable example).  While I differ with MacArthur's cessationist views, I wasn't expecting to hear him say he had never heard God's voice.  

Perhaps there was a difference in terminology, maybe he thought the person who posed the question meant "audibly."  But as I scanned my memory of conversations with pastors and others over the years, I can distinctly remember a group of folks who would say that "God has said all He is going to say, and it is written in His word."

So, to what do they ascribe direction in daily life, divine appointments, answers to prayer, impressions in one's spirit, specific choices that one submit's to God for approval or direction?  Is not the reason we pray is to get an answer?  Is not an answer to prayer a "reply" from the One to whom we have asked?  To what do we ascribe a specific impression, dream or word in our head that leads us to be a catalytic answer to a divine problem if not the "voice of God."  

Very early on in my walk as a Christian (and I was discipled by a group of non-Charismatic, Bible Chapel fundamentalists) I was taught to discern the voice of God.  In fact, their church services resembled a Quaker service from the 1800's in which no one presided over the service, but a person would stand up and announce a song from the hymnbook that all would join in.  Then another would do the same.  After a while another person would read a scripture, and perhaps someone else would expound on that bible passage with an exhortation.  All throughout, you could see a red thread tying each action, each song, each activity together in a meaningful and cohesive flow.  Even with making allowances for one's fleshly attempts to make it work, you could still see a supernatural Hand directing the message.  You could almost "hear" the voice of God beneath the surface of all that you saw and heard.  

Later, as a result of my Charismatic brethren, I was introduced to more direct means of hearing God, but no less requiring discernment and the need to filter with the Word of God.  It was in this first year of my journey with God that I literally saw scripture passages leap off the pages of the bible into my heart, writing searing corrections, giving sound direction and great encouragement to my life.  

One of the most telling experiences as a young Christian occurred one night as I drove home from my job at Nabisco in Houston, Texas.  I had no air conditioning in my car, so i drove with my windows open and was stopped at the light at Fondren and Braeswood Boulevards.  I heard the sound of gunshots to my left and looked to see several figures running across the parking lot of a grocery store. An impulse stronger than any I had felt before filled my heart and ran against the voice of reason and self preservation.  That impulse led me to drive across several lanes of traffic and pull into the parking lot of the store.  I got out of my car, and saw a black man lying on the ground, bleeding from the back of his head.  A very large hand gun lay nearby.  He was moaning and semiconscious.  I asked the crowd that was gathering who he was.  They said, "Oh, he is our security guard, an off duty policeman."  After hearing this I felt that God would have me pray for him, so I approached his feet and heard a correction in my spirit, almost shout at me, "no, go to his face".  So i cautiously approached his face and he looked me straight in my eyes.  I asked him (not expecting an answer) if he wanted me to pray with him.   He replied, "yes."  So we prayed, I would say a few words and he would repeat them.  (I was convinced he was a Christian by the way he responded, but still led him in a sinner's prayer.)  After what seemed like forever, LifeFlight landed and they let me stay by his side until he was loaded on the copter.  (during the whole time I held his hand in one hand, and his head in the other.) 

I heard later that he had survived the injury.   

As I look back on this seminal experience in practically obeying the "voice of God" I realized that God had clearly and distinctly spoken to me, to be a comfort and an encourager to a brother in need.  His voice sounded like my own.  But His voice defied reason and self-preservation, self-comfort, convenience, and required faith to respond and obey.  Even subtle directions like "move to his face" were God's words in my heart calling me to listen and obey.

In closing, I have to say that hearing God's voice gets easier as we listen and obey.  The more we shut Him out, the more we refuse to obey or take steps of faith in response to His voice, the more we will become hard of hearing.  Not surprisingly, Jesus said, "let those who have ears to hear, let them hear."

Reflection on 2013

It has been a full year since the  "exodus" of several influential families from our church.  It has been a hard year, and yet also a year full of surprises and revelation and new opportunities.  As 2013 dawned, Jennifer and I felt that we were starting over at the church.  11 years serving at Here's Hope and we were basically back where we started from in attendance, giving and ministry.  But God had plans for us, to prosper us and not to harm us, and the journey into new fields was just beginning.

In late spring, I got an invitation from our local baptist association to take my wife to Amish country, for a free weekend with some other pastors from our association.  But when we arrived, the dozen or so pastors were ALL church planters.  We were the only couple who were not church planters.  We remembered what God had whispered to us about "starting over" and felt as if God was giving us instruction on how to do so.  Our church was the size of a church plant we had been a part of way back in 1987 when at Wedgwood Baptist Church in Fort Worth TX called out a group to start a mission church.  We joined as lay servants and were a part of the church growing to over 600 people in just a few years. This memory was significant, because Here's Hope was only about 60 strong now, which meant we had to develop a mentality of church planters.  So, as we talked with the church planters on the weekend, we heard many ideas and strategies for growing a young small church.

When we returned home, I felt as if we were to do the things that one would do if we were starting over.  The first thing that God showed me was that I was to "get into the community and develop new relationships with unchurched folks."  So that is what I did.  During the summer of 2013, I joined the Senior Center in Madison and began joining a group of senior citizens for a lunch twice a week.  Before long, I had people coming up to me during lunch for prayer.  Then, in late summer, one of our church members who works at the Madison Library shared with me that the new High School next to the library lets the kids out and they flock to the library after school with nothing to do.  So, on a step of faith, I began visiting the library on Thursdays at 3pm, and just walking around talking to students.  Before long, I had several students who i met and established a rapport with.  Then in December, while at McDonalds, I saw one of the students who was there with his parents.  It opened up a dialogue with his family.  

During this same time, i met with a church planter and shared my vision of reaching the unchurched in our community.  God must have planted something inside of his heart, because he contacted the head chaplain for the county YMCA and that person invited me to become a chaplain for the Madison Y.  As I met for the first time withe the Madison director, she asked me if i thought if our church could conduct a VBS at the Y in 2014.  Wow.  We had decided in 2013 not to hold a VBS at our church for 2014 because it doesn't tend to attract unchurched kids.  But at the Y...if we branded it an evening camp with a Christian emphasis, we would have no trouble reaching unchurched kids.  

So, here we are, in the first Sunday of 2014, looking back and not feeling all that great about the struggles, but also looking forward to a year of promise.  What we see is opportunities to build relationships, reach people who are unchurched, disconnected, and without God in their lives, and to bring hope for the hurting and salvation to the lost.  

Dreams that I believe will come true

Not long ago I preached a message on dreaming with God.  I'm not going to detail the content here, but it is time that I take the personal step of faith of publicly declaring what I believe God gave me in dreams, so that my dreams might take root in this realm.

The most potent dream was about 2 weeks ago, I dreamed that I was in our church, and it was packed to the brim.  There were some well known people there as well.  I was holding a microphone and going around asking people to share testimonies and words from the Lord.  (the way I know it was our church was that the wireless microphone kept cutting out).  When I awoke, I felt that God was showing me that the future would be better than our best past, that He would fill the empty seats with hungry souls, people who are seeking an encounter with the Living God.  

The latest dream was last night.  It was more personal.  I was talking with a familiar man who was wearing a military uniform (a symbol of authority).  I was enjoying my conversation with him, when another, older man, in a navy uniform, of high rank, came up.  I sought him out because though I knew who he was, I had never gotten to know him.  But before I could really engage him in conversation, he began to yell at the first man, dressing him down in such a way that the first man fell to the floor in curled up position to protect himself from the verbal onslaught.  When I awoke, I puzzled over it, until I got  into the shower, and realized that the first man was my father, and the other man, the navy guy was his father.  All of the abbreviated stories my father had shared about his bitterness toward his father, all of my father's actions suddenly became understandable and explainable.  And then many of my own attitudes, grumbling, my own passive aggressive approach to relationships became clear.  They were generational curses, passed down from one generation to another.  [My grandfather had been 'disowned' by his own father for impregnating and marrying the daughter of a saloon owner while he was attending the Naval Academy.]  So while dripping wet in the shower, I spoke the words of breaking the generational curses passed down from the sins of my father's fathers.  

More dreams God!  

Claiming what God has promised

This week we called our church to a week of fasting and prayer to seek God for supernatural provision for our church finances.  On Sunday, as I shared the call to this, I explained that a family whose regular gifts which made up about 30% of our church budget had moved onto another church in May of this year, and that we were running short of funds to meet our obligations.  So as an act of faith and dependence upon God, we would seek God's face...like the kings of Judah when faced with a crisis, and ask Him to provide according to His promises.  The next day I got a message from one of our members who was touched by our choice to seek God instead of trying to manipulate our members into just "giving more."

Now I have a disclaimer in this blog...it wasn't my idea to call for a fast.  It was my godly wife, Jennifer who heard God and had the courage to suggest it by faith.  So as this week unfolds, and God speaks, reveals and provides, I can only say "wow God...it was all you!"

Today, as I met with one of my elders, I shared how in the Lord's prayer we were instructed to pray, "Give us this day our daily bread."  I was struck by the way Jesus told us to pray.  Not beg.  Not ask.  Not beseech.  Not grovel.  Not Plead.  He told to to say, "Give us..."  It isn't even a request.  "Give us" is a statement, similar to a declaration, almost a demand, like a withdrawal, like a hand out to receive what is already offered, already promised to us.  So when we come to Daddy, we come with the boldness that a child comes to their Father who has the resources he needs, and knows he will receive what he needs.

Preacher or Teacher...or who am I defined by.

I wonder how many of us are defined by who we are, or who others think we should be.

I added the "or who am I defined by" because as a pastor, I receive a lot of advice from people who think I should "be" or "do" something, or fit into a mold that they desire.  My spiritual gift is teaching.  It is what floats my boat, and it is when I use my gift that God seems to show up in power.  Of course I can always improve in every area.

Over the past year, I came under quite a bit of criticism by a number of people who have since left my church (many after being there for over 10 years) with this statement, "We want preaching, not teaching."  Hmm, I recall these very same people complimenting me no less than 2 years ago on the messages I delivered from the pulpit.  And so they left...to go to a church where the pastor filled their definition of "preaching."

Preaching...simply means to proclaim.  Teaching...it means to rightly divide the word of truth and to impart it with life application.  But for some, it seems that preaching means to make people feel bad about themselves, bad enough to want to come back next week for another dose of guilt and shame.  I know that guilt is for sin, and that comes from conviction through the Holy Spirit, and shame comes from the devil to desires to destroy and mar with lies what God has made.  

Preachers?  Some of my favorite pastors are 'teachers' ...including Charles Stanley, Andy Stanley, Bill Hybels, Bill Johnson, and others. I really don't know anyone I would call a preacher.  I am not sure that I would even be able to recognize one if I met one.

The truth is, some folks want us to fit into their mold.  They want to remodel our lives into their own image of what they want.  It happens in every church I have ever been a part of.  I know I have critiqued pastors I have sat under.   But the man or woman of God who is called to serve and pastor and deliver the Word of God must be faithful to who they are and to that calling.  He or she is not accountable to any man, but is ultimately accountable to God.

And then, there is the "excuse."  People rarely want to really tell you why they leave your church body, so they mask that behind the thinly veiled excuse "I want preaching, not teaching."  It takes time to burn through this fog, and for myself, it wasn't until I got close to my Father in Heaven and got secure in who I am and what I am doing and why I'm doing it...that I saw through the excuses some of these folks gave me.  I had to find my definition in Christ, and who I am in Him before I could see through the smoke screen.  Until I did so, I went through a ton of soul searching to understand if there was something wrong with me or with my core ministry.

Coming out of this storm and looking back, there are a lot of lessons to learn.  But the biggest one is to remain who I am in Christ and not allow the "crowd" to try to redefine me.  I am not a Billy Graham, I am not Bill Johnson, and I am certainly not Andy Stanley...as much as I admire each of them and their unique ministries.  I am Bob Higgins, Pastor, Teacher, husband, father, lover and follower of Jesus.  And my value, my identity and my worth is found in Christ alone, not in who follows me, not in the size of my church or the size of our budget.  One day I will be "evaluated" and judged by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the One who bought me and paid for me and gave me such generous grace...for how I used the gifts He gave to me and to check the fruit that I bore because I "remained in Him."  He alone gets to tell me who I am, and how I am to live this life.  I am defined by Jesus!

God our Provider

I could write reams about the many ways God has provided in our lives over the years. I am amazed when I recall them all.  This post is about some of the surprising ways He has provided for Here's Hope while we have been there.

Being a small church, every single gift counts.  One year, it was December, and I went to get the mail at church.  Among the mail was a letter with a check for over $1000 in it, signed by a neighbor, who simply said God told them to give it.  

Another couple visited only twice, but before the left, they left a tithe check representing about 3 months worth of giving.  Why us, we are tempted to ask.

Another couple came to our church, and shortly  afterwards, gave two stock gifts, totaling over $12000.  Our church's new mower was purchased as a result of their generosity and obedience.  

During our fundraising for our chairs, a person who was not an attender of our church met with me and handed us 20 one hundred dollars bills to help with the effort.

Then, when a family left our church, a family who's giving represented 30% of our annual budget, we had to remember all the ways God has met our needs over the years.  God is our provider and He moved mountains and people's hearts.  We remember that God, not man, is our provider.  

Leadership

After undergoing several months of challenges in our church, God recently stirred my heart with a simple book by Andy Stanley.  The book, "Deep and Wide" has captured my attention and my imagination, and awakened something that God Himself had planted inside of me a long time ago.  In the book, Andy noted that the primary role of the pastor isn't to preach or teach, but to lead.  I had been taught in Seminary how to preach, how to run meetings, how to manage people.  But I wasn't taught that leadership would be my primary role and my key responsibility.  In the book, he noted that leaders ask the question, "What is the best way to do this?" as opposed to the managerial question, "how do I keep the ball rolling."

Our church has languished for most of my eleven year tenure as pastor.  It wasn't that I never provided leadership, but I often substituted consensus for actual leading.  We have gone through numerous conflicts of values, beliefs and practices and have turned over more than our share of members over those years.  It never occurred to me that we were joined together (and conflicted) by what each person wanted or preferred.  A lack of cohesive vision was missing, and as a result, there were always some who were at odds with the musical style, the use or lack of small groups, the kinds of fellowships and outreaches we did.  We had never united in a common vision to accomplish God's purposes in our church to reach our world.

As I began to preach a series on love this month, I made a statement that got me thinking about the power of vision.  "Love gives up something we need to meet someone else's need."  With a vision grounded in love for God and for our neighbors (who don't know Christ or are unchurched) we will far more united and willing to set aside what we "want" to meet the needs of others (the unsaved).  Musical style, decor, even the programming will become secondary to the vision itself of engaging those God has called us to reach.

Tonight, as I tossed and turned in my bed before arising to write this, God brought back memories of the many times I have asked the question (before entering the pastorate), "What is the best way to do this."  I realized in this time of reflection that God had planted this in me, that God Himself had prepared me for this moment in time to take the reins of visionary leadership and to be a catalyst for reaching our community.

I hope to cast a clear vision for our church the first Sunday in March, one that we can grab a hold of and pursue with all of our creative passion for the King.

Playing Offense

I was meditating on the life of David this evening, and couldn't help but to notice that when he was "running" from Saul, he wasn't attacking the Philistines and other enemies of Israel.  But then, in a fascinating turn of events, he appears to go into enemy territory to hide (and ally himself with the Philistines) which allows him to stop "running" and go on the offense against a host of different enemies of Israel.

I have noticed that when I am under attack by the enemy, I  am not fighting on the offensive.  Instead, I am living a defensive lifestyle.  Bold faith becomes difficult. My life becomes about "protecting myself" instead of advancing the Kingdom of God.  What is worse, is when I go on defense, the attacks always seem to increase in frequency and number and power.  Now I understand why Jesus didn't answer his critics or defend himself, but simply continued in his ministry.  (No, I'm not Jesus, but He lives in me, and His Spirit leads if I'm willing to follow).  He was certain about His direction, and refused to "play" defense.  He continued in His offensive strike against the Kingdom of Darkness despite the criticisms, being misunderstood, and even when he offended people.  

Sometimes I think we invite criticism when we are too sensitive to how people react to us or our ministry.  Sensitivity often invites more critiques, which is perceived as weakness.  Humility, on the other hand, is much different.  Humility is about dependence on God...which this past year God has been teaching me that my life needs much more of.  Sensitivity seems to be related to the fear of man, whereas humility is related to the fear of God.  

I know I will not please everyone.  Heck, I am learning I probably won't please anyone.  There is ONE that I must please.  That lifestyle, like David's, is one that refuses to live on the defensive, but rather focuses on moving ahead in faith.  

Birthing Revival

During our trip to the VOA in Lancaster, I heard several specific messages that the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart.  Let me share one that I believe has massive implications for my church, our town and our region.

On the first morning of the conference, Jennifer and I attended a crowded prayer meeting in a lower conference room.  A delightful lady led it with passion and joy.  About midway through the meeting she blurted out, "The time of transition must end."  It struck me like a lightning bolt.  I stored it up in my heart and went on to the rest of the conference.

Later that same day, Heidi Baker (missionary from Mozambique) spoke at the conference.  She shared a story about how she was about to catch a plane but had like an hour until departure.  In the same town, was a friend she knew was about to have a baby, so she stopped in to see her.  While there, the doctor told them that her friend was only 1 cm dilated, and that it would be a "long time" before this baby was born.  (I'm going to omit some of the details here).  Heidi recognized that the time was short and that she had made a commitment to her friend to help her birth...so she boldly declared "Now is the Time"  The baby was born 10 minutes later!  Heidi tied this story in to her recognition that the church is "in transition"...pregnant with revival, but not delivering.  "It is time to stop the transition.  It is time to call the birthing forth.  It is time to declare on earth what is in heaven."

I began to think about my own church (and the churches of Madison and UNO) and how we have been "transitioning" for over 5 years now toward a move of the Holy Spirit.  Walking softly, trying not to insult or be misunderstood by our members.  Not wanting to offend, but maintain unity.  The problem is, that people left anyway, because they weren't unified around the Presence of God.  We weren't unified around the earnest desire to see revival (the Presence of God manifesting in our region).  Our unity was simply the desire to "keep our membership intact."

That transition must end.  We (I) must lay aside our fear of man. I choose to do so today.  I choose revival no matter the cost.  I choose Holy Spirit and all He wants to do in our midst.  No more delay.  We declare the birthing to come forth...that which is in heaven to come to earth.  Now.  Today.  No more delay.

Addendum:  As I prayed over these thoughts, God reminded me of a prophetic word given our Madison/Geneva pastors prayer meeting when we were praying for revival.  "The coming revival will not be in a single church, but will arise in the entire region, so no one can call it theirs."  I dwelt on that thought and realized that when God releases His Spirit upon our region, we will have "little fires" all across our region in our churches.  But it will only be when we come together that we will have a firestorm that will be unstoppable, unquenchable and irresistible.  I envision Sunday services in our own churches to feed our flocks, and daily services where God is moving, in a large space where we can all come together and bring the power of God to bear upon our community.  Where no one church bears the responsibility to do all the worship leadership, all of the ministry, but where we all share the load of touching our region, and perhaps our nation and the world. 

Wind in the Sails?

Yesterday, I was listening to Bill Johnson and a sermon he was giving at a conference in Fort Worth, Texas.  He made a pretty earth shattering statement that "Beware of any doctrine of the sovereignty of God that leaves you being merely a spectator." 

Now, I subscribe (at least intellectually) to the belief that Dutch Sheets has laid out that "God does little in the earth except by or through the prayers of His people."  In other words, God very often holds his hand until someone prays.  He chooses to limit much of His conduct upon the earth to working through His people, the Church. 

Bill Johnson went on to say that authority and power are evidenced in a picture of wind and sails.  Essentially, power is what is being manifested when we raise our sails to the wind.  God sends the wind, and we merely raise our sails to join Him in what He is doing.  But authority, according to Bill, is when we release the wind. 

It is easy to be passive as a believer.  It seems so much safer to be passive than to take risks and to stick my neck out and risk looking stupid or worse.  Yet, when Jesus gave His disciples "authority over unclean spirits, to heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers and preach the Kingdom of God" He was delegating authority to them (read "us") to take steps of faith in Him. So we not only look to see what God is doing and join Him in that process (which I believe is obedience) but we also can step out boldly in faith and move into the unseen realms, trusting God is there because we have the mind of Christ. 

Die Flesh Die!

I started a three day fast on Tuesday, not really a hard thing, considering it only involves the abstention of food after 3pm and  until 7am, and the fasting from television and computer distractions during that time as well.  But my flesh certainly rebelled, and rebelled hard against it.  By 6:30pm on the drive to church, I found myself irritable, by the trip home I was not just irritable but edgy, short in my responses to my wife and trying to come to grips with how to pray. 

Later that evening, Jennifer was cooking a meal for her employer (which she had to take to work with her the next day) and the air was filled the smell of italian food.  Now my stomach was in overdrive, having skipped dinner for "more time with God" I found myself complaining and unhappy.  So, I went to bed without telling anyone.  Jennifer came to bed an hour later and I was still grumpy.  When she asked if I wanted to pray, I mumbled out a "you pray, I'll agree with you."  (translation:  I don't want to!)  My flesh was not going to give in without a major fight.  The reason we had decided to do this three day fast was so that we could pray for our church and for decisions related to vision for the church as well as our own personal direction. 

Finally, after an hour of sleeplessness, grumbling to God and trying to "give it to Him" I rolled over and apologized to Jennifer.  Then we prayed.  It wasn't earth-shattering prayer, but it was a victory. My prayer now is "Die Flesh, Die!"  I don't like it when my flesh runs my life!

The Throne of God

Over the past week, I have had a series of Kairos moments that have led me to recognize that I need to understand and receive the "affirmation" of my Heavenly Father.  I have come to realize I do not operate as a person who sees himself as a person who is completely loved and accepted by my Father.  My critical spirit has led me to operate out of my wounding instead of my new identity in Christ.  So my disicpleship group prayed that I would powerfully experience this "affirmation" of Abba Father.

Last night, I had a dream that moved me in a powerful way.  I only recall the place, a man was speaking and preaching the Word of God, and I had walked into the room below where he was speaking. I found myself in a room that had a large domed ceiling. Inside this massive domed room, I encountered the Presence of God. This was a  place of Divine Encounter.  I was awed and humbled by the Presence, but do not recall my response other than my eyes were filled with tears of awe and joy. 

Even as I am typing this, I revisit that experience in my dream, and my eyes well up in tears.  It felt as if the Lord God, Father encountered me in my dreams last night.  His holy and awesome love surrounded me.  I honestly can say I felt His affirming love last night AND still feel and am experiencing His affirmation.

Dreams are places to make your mistakes!

Last night I had a couple of dreams that really exposed my heart.  In one of them, I was with a group of pastors eating a meal and a policewoman came up to our table and asked if any of us would be willing to conduct a wedding ceremony for the daughter of a congressman and her girlfriend.  I answered, 'My doctrine won't permit me to do so." 


When I awoke, I was ashamed of my cowardly answer!  I could actually feel the "fear of man" in my bones as I awakened.  As I prayed about it and the way it made me feel, I began to get downloads from God on the purpose of the dream and the way He would use it to train me.

Firstly, God made it clear to me that the place to make mistakes is in my dreams.  It is often in our dreams that our hearts are revealed, our deepest fears are manifested, and the heart of God is communicated to a mind that might be resisting Him. 

Second, God gave me a download, a revelation if you would, of what I should say or how I should respond to the very difficult question of "will you do my wedding ceremony?"  I have had so many requests over my ministry, and have never had a "standard" for how to say yes or no to them.  I have considered many approaches, all based upon externals like "church membership," "how long one has been divorced," "how long have they been engaged," to "are you sleeping together'" and a host of other potentially ambiguous and non-essentials.  I have even polled other pastors as to their policies for conducting weddings, and have found the standards as far ranging as humanly possible.  I have enacted policies for non-members that require a substantial fee compared to members, as well as requiring that the couples meet with me 4 to 6 times before the wedding.  But those have not helped, nor have they been able to change the hearts of those who had come to me. 

What I believe God showed me was to ask a simple but penetrating question.  "How would my conducting your nuptials advance the Kingdom of God and promote His Glory?"  The bottom line is that I would not conduct weddings unless they do both.  While that might appear hard and callous, it belies a solid truth behind the standard that I believe God wants for His Church and His people.  It really ought to be the standard for all of our life and conduct. 

Set Apart by John Mulinde

I am reading Pastor Mulinde's book and am beginning to see the hooks that the activities, hobbies, diversions and duties have in me. He describes their "cry for attention" as being what drowns out the call of God to draw near to Him, and inasmuch as we respond to their voice instead of God's voice, we institutionalize an idol in our hearts. These patterns of behavior and their network of activity draw us away from having a heart solely for God. No, they aren't "sinful" but are still sin, because they compete with God's sole possession of our hearts.

About 10 years ago, Pastor Mulinde says God had him list the diversions, the objects of his heart's affections, and he says he was shocked to find so many. God led him to a deep and lasting repentance which has resulted in a radical change in the way God used him.

As I reflect and pray about this, I recognize the awful truth that is here. Last year, when we fasted and prayed for 21 days, I saw the competing activities set aside as I made a conscious choice to give God my heart. This radical shift lasted for probably 2 months after the fast ended, and then I began to compromise on what I would spend time on. Before long, I found myself as deeply immersed in diversions as I was before.

What to do? I have agreed to begin a fast on September 18th which includes a fast from media (which comprises the bulk of my diversions and competition to giving God my time and attention) -- but the hard part remains...how to make it last. Stay tuned!